get off the road!

yalei is on the move.  yikes!

i've kind of been a little bit worried about yalei, sometimes.  aviyah was really kind of sharp and more willful, so i felt like maybe sometimes yalei was a little bit behind.  and maybe, also, sometimes i knew a little bit less about yalei because i was spending much more time with aviyah when yalei was really really little.  (i mean, she's still crazy little, but anyway.) 

i feel like it's definitely more difficult making sure that all of the attention that you have given to the first child you can also give to a second child.  for me, i feel like it's not about interest, as in, i've played that game too many times already or i've done that already, and i'm bored now.  it's more that you were so concentrated on each developmental step the first child made, and you were so focused on each challenge or each strategy.  and aviyah does require a lot of attention.  

in that way, though, i think it's actually good that yalei is not as crowded as maybe aviyah was.  she's definitely able to chill out on her own and explore more things independently.  i mean, it's always confusing though, too:  how much does our response determine their character?  how much does their character determine their response?  i think, maybe, it's also a little that it's harder for me to work so much with yalei because aviyah is so much more engaged.  i know that for both girls when they were really really little it feels like it is all going out, and it's really hard to get feedback.  then, as aviyah gets older, that interaction and feedback is so engaging.  and demanding.  

but i really have been trying to do a lot more with yalei, now.  first because i think it's especially important _right now_ for yalei, and second, i also think it's super important for aviyah to see.  i mean, i think aviyah is really great in a ton of ways, but i also think that all of the focus we put on the way we work with her also helped make her a little bit more centered around us.  it's hard to say for sure, but i know sometimes already aviyah seems to need to be closer to us than even yalei.  sometimes i joke that i think yalei's gonna stand up when her big sister gets beat up in the school yard.  

so, in some ways, i really do think yalei is good for aviyah because we do have to teach her to stay back a little bit and also for yalei because she is already more adjusted and independent in a lot of ways.

at yalei's last visit to the doctor, they said that she's met all of her developmental milestones and should be pulling up to standing and starting to crawl soon.  it's funny because, of course, the milestones aren't really really important.  i mean, i really do believe that everyone does their own thing in their own time.  at the same time, i think we definitely want to get her into her milestones because those steps help her development.  it's that in each stage they gain important abilities, so it's not to stress about, but at the same time, we do want her moving forward, right?

when she does move forward, it's crazy to see, you know?  and also she's started commando crawling and crawling to go after things and she just started to crawl up on things.  we were talking with a friend and they thought she was so young because when they are so young they kind of stick in that place in your mind.  and sometimes i know people get frustrated if i guess the child's wrong age, but i do it too, you know?  i mean, it is really crazy that she was totally in one spot, and now all of a sudden, she's moving!

she's especially into people food.  she wants to eat everything we're eating and i think she's choked like 73 times on pieces of food that i give to her that are too big.  although, in full disclosure, i kind of let them juggle with lit torches and sharp knives.  i'm not so into the general rules about what they shouldn't be able to do or not do.  i mean, i definitely believe in structure and discipline.  it's not that it's all free reign.  it's just i think some of these rules that we make are so crazy silly.  i just feel like she should be totally okay to explore whatever, and i really feel like that even when we fall or scrape our knee, or cut our chin, we learn from that too.

anyway, one of my friends was talking the other day about how his child doesn't answer his questions or doesn't listen sometimes to what he's asking.  so, anyway, he was asking me why i let aviyah do so many things that she wants to do, like go to the playroom in her underwear or play in the park without shoes or stand on the windowsill.  i said, i mean, i know it seems silly or crazy or disrespectful or whatever, but think that those things that she wants to do really aren't bit deals at all.  and, when something is a really big deal i want to be able to explain that no, sweetheart, this really is a real rule, an actual serious rule, something that really is important to honor and respect.  something we want to make sure of.  and, pooh pooh pooh, she listens.

so, i guess, making smaller pieces of food is a real actual rule that i should probably honor and respect too.

qassamcounts

on facebook, organizations and movements sometimes create mini-applications to donate your status to their cause. for example, i donated my status to an election day movement that encouraged people to vote. the application automatically updates your status so it appears near the top of your friends' news feeds and attracts their attention. recently, hawkish pro-israel supporters started a "QassamCount" mini-application that updates your status to count the number of qassam rockets sent into israel.

for example, today's qassam count status writes, "QassamCount: At least 16 Hamas rockets hit Israel Saturday. 2 rockets hit houses in the city of Ashkelon."

there is no doubt that hamas rockets sent indiscriminately into israel were wrong and dangerous and should be considered offensive attacks. we must condemn them. hamas says that they want to destroy israel, and we should believe them. violence against israeli civilians is hateful and unjust. the qassamcounts aren't offensive because they are lies. i accept that the qassamcounts are probably true. (that palestinian militants continue to shoot missiles into southern israel, by the way, undermines the central mission of israel's offensive to stop rocket fire into israel proper.)

instead, i think the qassamcounts are offensive because they are so blind and deaf to real reality right now. the israeli response, in ten days of fighting, has killed more than 800 palestinians. an ap report says that just about half of that total has been civilians.

when i was a student at the university of michigan, i participated in a debate between pro-israel and pro-palestinian supporters. no hawkish pro-israel supporter accepted the invitation so a friend of mine asked me to participate. yes, the organization consistently highlighted what they felt were unjust acts committed against palestinians. and yes, the pro-palestinian supporters often undermined or rejected or ignored sensible arguments that highlighted israeli concerns or losses.

i hope that my ideas were thoughtful enough to persuade people that people who support an israeli state are not hateful or unjust. we also hope and pray for peace and justice. yet, i remember this moment, after all, because i remember that several pro-israel supporters strenuously argued that my debate helped legitimize the group's complaints and concerns. they argued that my participation amplified the group's hateful beliefs.

unfortunately, i think the same faulty reasoning lies at the heart of this conflict. there are two whole, parallel narratives that define the israeli-palestinian conflict. it is not my right to judge and dismiss either narrative. i have no power to legitimize or deligitimize someone's beliefs and opinions. in fact, the idea that we should not even talk (TALK!) with someone else because it will legitimize their opinions is so completely offensive and arrogant. in contrast, our democracy is centrally based on the free exchange of free ideas. second, when we boycott dialogue with our enemies, we also boycott the only mechanism that can lead to peaceful progress. we must talk to create peace, and we must create peace.

now. right right now.

the world needs to mobilize an immediate ceasefire and a binding resolution that refers any aggression to an international force. israel has a right to protect her citizens, but she does not have the right to lay waste to palestinian civilians. because the nature of gaza limits any opportunity for a just military action, the only just solution is an international agreement with international support for an international military force to govern the borders.

strong critics contend that israel has committed war crimes. israel has not committed war crimes. there is no holocaust. there is no question, in my opinion, that israel pursues a humane war. they hunt military targets. they try to limit causalities by projecting their advances. they drop leaflets and make radio addresses to warn civilians. they launch sound bombs as early warning signals. they have established a humanitarian corridor to alleviate some suffering. i wholly believe this is true.

however, war is not a perfectly clean operation. in fact, the very nature of war in the densely packed gaza strip insures horrific mistakes. yes, hamas fighters endanger palestinian civilians while they hide inside densely packed civilian areas. yet, we know that even precises strikes will endanger civilians. in fact, israeli strikes have misfired and accidentally killed more than 400 civilians. while i am completely certain israel does not target civilians, they have shown a basic indifference to their clear mistakes. a un school. a complete city block. whole families.

the war in gaza inhumane and unjust. it cannot be otherwise. how do you fight a war against a hateful enemy that will cause you to kill unarmed civilians in a densely packed urban area?

you don't fight it. you organize an international coalition to enforce peace.

i support israel, but i do not support this war. i believe in israel, but i do not believe in this war. i love israel, but i do not love this war.

ceasefire.

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate.... Returning violence for violence multiples violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"On Black Power"
1967