Monday, November 17
little star
בא כוכב כוכב קטן
אל תבכה אנחנו קאן
בשמיים מנצנצ
יהלום קטן נוצץ
בא כוכב כוכב קטן
אל תבכה אנחנו קאן
come star little star
don't cry, we are here
in the sky (you) shine
a tiny sparkling diamond
come star little star
don't cry, we are here
Sunday, November 16
bullies
last year, aviyah was bullied several times by a young girl. one time, she was scratched so deeply that a long, light scar is still on her cheek. at that time, we tried to make it clear to the school that while we didn't blame the young girl or the parents or the teachers, we certainly wanted to come up with strategies that could help prevent future incidents. when we approached the parents to speak together on constructive ways we could help the two girls, they refused to talk to us. the school also refused to come up with new plans to make sure that she was safe. when they challenged me to come up with ideas and i came up with seven, they simply said they'd consider them and get back to us.
each party clearly felt that aggressiveness was just a normal stage for many young toddlers to go through. and, in fact, i am sure that it is a completely normal developmental stage. however, i refused to accept it was "normative" behavior, or behavior we have to accept as socially appropriate. we clearly need to react and respond to what our children are doing in order to teach them what we want to encourage. i always believed that actual teachable moments are not the moments when kids are actually in the middle struggle, but instead, the moments and spaces between the struggles. in these longer moments, we build up our connections to our children and students, and in these quieter moments, we have more important, more substantial, and more real conversations.
i've always felt that our reaction to our childrens' behaviors was more important than our childrens' actual behaviors. and we knew that the first strategies clearly weren't working because she was attacked by the same girl on four different occasions. it wasn't getting any better!
(on a quick aside: we were walking in front of my school the other day, on our way to the park. aviyah spotted a cute dog, and we walked up to the man walking the dog and asked if aviyah could pet her. it turns out that the man walking the dog was the little girl's father, and well, within four minutes, the girl stepped up to aviyah and just flat pushed her down to the ground. just yesterday, i was talking with aviyah and i was a little bit frustrated by everything and i said to her something that i've worked a year and a half to not say: i told her that i didn't realy like the other girl because i felt she was mean to aviyah. i love you very much, i said, and it kind of hurts me too when people are mean to you.)
anyway, when we decided to change schools, i tried to make clear to the old school, to the teachers, and to our friends, that we were not leaving the school because we felt it was so abnormal for kids at that age to push or pull or scratch. we left the school because we just didn't feel like she was totally safe. we felt the school was so great in so many ways, and we definitely did not want to and did not bad mouth the school to anyone. we tried to give a fair and honest answer about why we left, but we always made certain to explain that we felt that everyone was good people.
long story short, last week, aviyah was pushed for a second time by a new boy in her new school. last spring, we chose the new school specifically because the director assured us that their lead teachers are graduates from early childhood education programs, and the agency also employs social workers that they agreed to speak with in challenging situations.
i spoke with the director of the new school on tuesday, and i explained to her that we were not upset at the child, the teachers, or the parents. i also explained that i understand that children sometimes go through devleopmental stages that frustrate us and others. at the same time, i said, we have to distinguish ourselves by how we react and respond to challenging situations. she agreed and she said the issue just came up on the radar for them. i definitely appreciated her honesty, and she said the teachers and staff were going to speak and develop a plan last week, so i'll check in with them early this week to see what they think.
we've thought a lot about this, obviously, over the last year. i think aviyah has moved on, but she was definitely sad to leave the old school and she took a minute to really adjust to the new school. and, more, i've thought if i'm a too pushy parent because i'm involved in education and youth development. i've talked about it with a bunch of different educators, and i definitely think i don't ever want to choose their curriculum or choose their intervention strategies. however, i do want to make sure they they think about their choices and that they communicate their reasoning with parents. still, i want to be sure that they do have a curriculum, that they do have intervention strategies, that they do have reasons they are making the choices they are making.
i want to be like the best parents i see at my school. parents who are clear and fair about questions they ask, and parents who want to understand clearly what is going on in the classroom. good parents can mean so much to making sure their children get the right attention in the right ways, and i certainly don't want to be overbearing or intrusive. for real, i appreciate the strengths at both schools. at the same time, they have to own the things that happen there, and they've got to be smart and prepared to intervene during situations and prevent new ones from happening.
in the meantime, the director did give me a tip that we can use to help aviyah stand up for herself. we've looked at a few books that we might buy, and i worked with aviyah a lot this morning to role play what she can do to let the other kids know she can stand up for herself. i told her that she should stand up immediately if she is sitting down, and she should say in a loud and firm voice to the other child, "no thank you. that's not nice." she can also choose to just move away from the other child if she needs to.
she was doing really well, and i think she likes raising her voice a little. it's hard to say, though. it seems like, so far, the real big problem is that she knows that i'm just daddy, so she smiles and giggles the whole time she's standing up to me.
each party clearly felt that aggressiveness was just a normal stage for many young toddlers to go through. and, in fact, i am sure that it is a completely normal developmental stage. however, i refused to accept it was "normative" behavior, or behavior we have to accept as socially appropriate. we clearly need to react and respond to what our children are doing in order to teach them what we want to encourage. i always believed that actual teachable moments are not the moments when kids are actually in the middle struggle, but instead, the moments and spaces between the struggles. in these longer moments, we build up our connections to our children and students, and in these quieter moments, we have more important, more substantial, and more real conversations.
i've always felt that our reaction to our childrens' behaviors was more important than our childrens' actual behaviors. and we knew that the first strategies clearly weren't working because she was attacked by the same girl on four different occasions. it wasn't getting any better!
(on a quick aside: we were walking in front of my school the other day, on our way to the park. aviyah spotted a cute dog, and we walked up to the man walking the dog and asked if aviyah could pet her. it turns out that the man walking the dog was the little girl's father, and well, within four minutes, the girl stepped up to aviyah and just flat pushed her down to the ground. just yesterday, i was talking with aviyah and i was a little bit frustrated by everything and i said to her something that i've worked a year and a half to not say: i told her that i didn't realy like the other girl because i felt she was mean to aviyah. i love you very much, i said, and it kind of hurts me too when people are mean to you.)
anyway, when we decided to change schools, i tried to make clear to the old school, to the teachers, and to our friends, that we were not leaving the school because we felt it was so abnormal for kids at that age to push or pull or scratch. we left the school because we just didn't feel like she was totally safe. we felt the school was so great in so many ways, and we definitely did not want to and did not bad mouth the school to anyone. we tried to give a fair and honest answer about why we left, but we always made certain to explain that we felt that everyone was good people.
long story short, last week, aviyah was pushed for a second time by a new boy in her new school. last spring, we chose the new school specifically because the director assured us that their lead teachers are graduates from early childhood education programs, and the agency also employs social workers that they agreed to speak with in challenging situations.
i spoke with the director of the new school on tuesday, and i explained to her that we were not upset at the child, the teachers, or the parents. i also explained that i understand that children sometimes go through devleopmental stages that frustrate us and others. at the same time, i said, we have to distinguish ourselves by how we react and respond to challenging situations. she agreed and she said the issue just came up on the radar for them. i definitely appreciated her honesty, and she said the teachers and staff were going to speak and develop a plan last week, so i'll check in with them early this week to see what they think.
we've thought a lot about this, obviously, over the last year. i think aviyah has moved on, but she was definitely sad to leave the old school and she took a minute to really adjust to the new school. and, more, i've thought if i'm a too pushy parent because i'm involved in education and youth development. i've talked about it with a bunch of different educators, and i definitely think i don't ever want to choose their curriculum or choose their intervention strategies. however, i do want to make sure they they think about their choices and that they communicate their reasoning with parents. still, i want to be sure that they do have a curriculum, that they do have intervention strategies, that they do have reasons they are making the choices they are making.
i want to be like the best parents i see at my school. parents who are clear and fair about questions they ask, and parents who want to understand clearly what is going on in the classroom. good parents can mean so much to making sure their children get the right attention in the right ways, and i certainly don't want to be overbearing or intrusive. for real, i appreciate the strengths at both schools. at the same time, they have to own the things that happen there, and they've got to be smart and prepared to intervene during situations and prevent new ones from happening.
in the meantime, the director did give me a tip that we can use to help aviyah stand up for herself. we've looked at a few books that we might buy, and i worked with aviyah a lot this morning to role play what she can do to let the other kids know she can stand up for herself. i told her that she should stand up immediately if she is sitting down, and she should say in a loud and firm voice to the other child, "no thank you. that's not nice." she can also choose to just move away from the other child if she needs to.
she was doing really well, and i think she likes raising her voice a little. it's hard to say, though. it seems like, so far, the real big problem is that she knows that i'm just daddy, so she smiles and giggles the whole time she's standing up to me.
Tuesday, November 11
radiance and rosebud
so many writers explain that obama's ascent is confirmation of dr. king's boldest dream. of course, i don't think that that's true. it's clear that while 43% of whites did vote for obama, and more than 54% of young whites ages 18 to 29 voted for obama, there are still grim realities in america. we know that blacks are disproportionately poor, black and latinos dramatically underperform their white and asian peers in school, and our neighborhoods and institutions are still wildly segregated.
and while the far right is staggeringly afraid that obama will tilt america socialist, it's clear to real liberals that obama governs a centered coalition. rep. john clybourn recently explained that he may sometimes be "center-right, sometimes center-left, but always from the center." cabinet appointments that may include republicans, including current secretary of defense robert gates, make it clear that obama is not interested in being overtly partisan.
in fact, i hesitated to support obama in the primaries because i felt john edwards' policies were more clearly focused on redistribuiting opportunities and access to the poorest and most disenfranchised. i also felt that hillary clinton's clear and express support for universal health care advanced more sustainable protections for more underserved than obama's employer/employee based health plan. while many wealthy can still afford private health care in socialized health plans in europe and canada, the larger advantages of prevention and protection more clearly help the second 95% of the population.
yes, it is still clear that obama is interested in change, and it's even more clear to me that he also has the vision and the pragmatism to serve us all. it has also been clear that people across america are aware of this moment. people left, center, and wrong are proud that we have made such an historic leap forward in our history. it is true that the first 14 president could have legally owned a black slave. it also true that the first 35 presidents could not have even voted for not have even been able to a candidate obama in some places in the united states.
yes, we can. si, se puede. ken, anu y'cholim.
still, i believe obama's election will have the greatest impact on those even too young to realize what just happened. for those who are 80 years old and older, they have heard biological arguments that served to barbarize and colonize blacks. they witnessed and maybe participated in or demonstrated against violent laws that forcibly segregated and oppressed blacks. for our oldest seniors to know that america has rejected our past as vile, contemptible, and disgraceful is a just reward and a dish served cold.
yes, i am unendingly happy that barack obama will be the next president of the united states. and yes, i do believe it sends a powerful message to the world that americans are real people. we are not the caricature of all the right or wrong decisions our elected government makes. we are smarter than our history has sometimes shown us to be because i have always believed this country makes a slow but steady walk forward.
still, our middle aged have been too slow to this moment and we will be too slow to change again. we have been colored already. i don't think his election means we have arrived. it's been disgraceful that we've only had 43 white men serve as president. and yes, i'll have to change a long standing lesson i give where i explain that we have never ever elected anything but a rich white male. but, man, we've still got a long way to go.
so, now, i don't think we haven't arrived anywhere, yet. but i really do believe that radiance and rosebud have. i am beyond amazed and thrilled and happy to see that malia and sasha will be the face of the kids of the first family for everyone to see.
for our youngest, this is the absolutely most powerful new show on the wb or disney. we will see young african american girls the ages of my students and younger inside the white house. girls with locks or braids or flat irons. girls who go to black church. girls who sing "lift ev'ry voice and sing". girls with names like malia and sasha and radiance and rosebud. in fact, the first time i cried this election is when i read an article this morning that revealed the new secret service names for the obama family.
the faces of the kids on america's front lawn are young african american girls. they'll be reading books and doing their homework and hugging their mom and dad. they'll be young and strong and fun and all over the place. they'll just be regular little girls and they'll like whatever they like and they'll do whatever they do and they'll be the president's daughters. and they'll be black.
now, that's deep.
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