in preparation for a different new thing that's happening tomorrow (hope hope), we're moving "School|Life" over to a new home.
if you're used to this blog already, you can keep coming here for more news about our family. but we've built a cool new blog for the project all by itself: schoolife.com.
visit! join! comment! (thank you!)
and happy holidays to everyone!
ps. schoolife.com !!!!!!
Monday, December 26
Sunday, December 25
mic'd up! (schoolife 5)
when i first thought about our project, i though about video and pictures and images of our students and teachers. i thought about personal and public moments that could show our subjects crossing and passing. that could show their excitement or anger or sadness in the bodies and faces.
i feel like radio is a little harder that way. for example, you can't show characters or connections in the same way. believe it or not, you can see silence more easily than you can hear it. you can hear direct
silence: one person asks a question and there is no answer. but how can you hear a distant student tuning out? how do you hear the long spaces of silence in our full day?
our sound (and how we develop our sound) is the thing. we've been trying to research and test different
equipment that will give us a strong, quality sound that reflects our authentic environment and is consistent across subjects and situations.
to help test our sound, i've recorded my own life the past few days. i'm definitely down for the project. still, you notice how things are different. how the sound is different on microphones and speakers than it is in our ears. how you're different, too.
you're much more aware of what you say, at times. for sure, you forget a lot, and most conversations are mostly natural. but you can see, still, that you make subtle choices in language that are different.
i have to be more aware, i guess. in ways, i think that's good. it reminds me to be better than i am. it's like a student teacher in that way. because i know that i have to lead another teacher, i try to sharpen my ideas and my lessons. i make all of my choices, but i know that the presence of a student teacher helps me make better choices.
although, it also reminds me that it's artificial. i mean, it's not a completely authentic account of what every day is like.
of course, there is no everyday either, right?
i feel like radio is a little harder that way. for example, you can't show characters or connections in the same way. believe it or not, you can see silence more easily than you can hear it. you can hear direct
silence: one person asks a question and there is no answer. but how can you hear a distant student tuning out? how do you hear the long spaces of silence in our full day?
our sound (and how we develop our sound) is the thing. we've been trying to research and test different
equipment that will give us a strong, quality sound that reflects our authentic environment and is consistent across subjects and situations.
to help test our sound, i've recorded my own life the past few days. i'm definitely down for the project. still, you notice how things are different. how the sound is different on microphones and speakers than it is in our ears. how you're different, too.
you're much more aware of what you say, at times. for sure, you forget a lot, and most conversations are mostly natural. but you can see, still, that you make subtle choices in language that are different.
i have to be more aware, i guess. in ways, i think that's good. it reminds me to be better than i am. it's like a student teacher in that way. because i know that i have to lead another teacher, i try to sharpen my ideas and my lessons. i make all of my choices, but i know that the presence of a student teacher helps me make better choices.
although, it also reminds me that it's artificial. i mean, it's not a completely authentic account of what every day is like.
of course, there is no everyday either, right?
Saturday, December 24
radio writing process (schoolife #4)
as we're developing the show, we'll try to keep you updated on our process. check back frequently to see what we're up to. we're hoping we can gain a small following as we're going along.
we always talk with our students about process, and we thought it might be helpful to make our process transparent. we'll open our ideas to you, and we hope that you'll open your ideas to us!
here are some things that we're thinking about as we're thinking about the content and structure of the show:
1) what does our editing look like?
in my dreams, i'd love to produce the complete tape . min, though, thinks that might be tiresome for listeners. still, as much as possible, i'd like to edit as lightly as possible. i know that we're going to have to make choices, though, so i'll just try to be honest and upfront as we're making our choices.
2) we want to show longer narrative moments.
we feel like reality television shows are so heavily edited that they really become scripted. the shows pursue singular storylines and encourage out-sized conflict and drama. our goal is to develop complicated, dynamic, and subtle characters and stories like novels, with longer essential moments that play out over time.
3) we want our subjects to have voice.
our goal is to show the real lives of students, teachers, and families. we have decided that there will be no third person narration. the subjects' voices will drive the complete story. as much as possible, we will mic subjects and locations directly. we will try to avoid intensive productions on location because supplemental crew and equipment will always alter and interrupt natural interaction.
4) everything is context.
we cannot possibly, truly show the full lives of students and teachers. the series will show one presentation of infinite possible presentations of several subjects within hundreds of other subjects. we cannot claim any concrete conclusion about education or education reform. our goal is to simply broaden our conversation about education. we hope to make some students and some teachers more real for listeners.
5) who will our subjects be?
we want to find an urban public school with a diverse population. we hope to work in a school that includes students from different class, ethnic, racial, and religious backgrounds. we do not want to set up a specific policy angle, so we want to avoid schools that may speak to the extremes: charter schools, title I schools, or specialized schools.
in our current vision, we hope to find 2-3 students and 1 teacher. ideally, the subjects will be communicative but different. (of course, these ideas - about the school and about the students - already start to bias the production.)
6) how will we fund and manage production?
we can produce the show at different levels of cost. each higher expense will increase production value, but how much money is it realistic for us to raise? we think we've got a pretty cool idea. . . but who else will value it? and for how much?
we're thinking about a few different ideas for now:
we always talk with our students about process, and we thought it might be helpful to make our process transparent. we'll open our ideas to you, and we hope that you'll open your ideas to us!
here are some things that we're thinking about as we're thinking about the content and structure of the show:
1) what does our editing look like?
in my dreams, i'd love to produce the complete tape . min, though, thinks that might be tiresome for listeners. still, as much as possible, i'd like to edit as lightly as possible. i know that we're going to have to make choices, though, so i'll just try to be honest and upfront as we're making our choices.
2) we want to show longer narrative moments.
we feel like reality television shows are so heavily edited that they really become scripted. the shows pursue singular storylines and encourage out-sized conflict and drama. our goal is to develop complicated, dynamic, and subtle characters and stories like novels, with longer essential moments that play out over time.
3) we want our subjects to have voice.
our goal is to show the real lives of students, teachers, and families. we have decided that there will be no third person narration. the subjects' voices will drive the complete story. as much as possible, we will mic subjects and locations directly. we will try to avoid intensive productions on location because supplemental crew and equipment will always alter and interrupt natural interaction.
4) everything is context.
we cannot possibly, truly show the full lives of students and teachers. the series will show one presentation of infinite possible presentations of several subjects within hundreds of other subjects. we cannot claim any concrete conclusion about education or education reform. our goal is to simply broaden our conversation about education. we hope to make some students and some teachers more real for listeners.
5) who will our subjects be?
we want to find an urban public school with a diverse population. we hope to work in a school that includes students from different class, ethnic, racial, and religious backgrounds. we do not want to set up a specific policy angle, so we want to avoid schools that may speak to the extremes: charter schools, title I schools, or specialized schools.
in our current vision, we hope to find 2-3 students and 1 teacher. ideally, the subjects will be communicative but different. (of course, these ideas - about the school and about the students - already start to bias the production.)
6) how will we fund and manage production?
we can produce the show at different levels of cost. each higher expense will increase production value, but how much money is it realistic for us to raise? we think we've got a pretty cool idea. . . but who else will value it? and for how much?
we're thinking about a few different ideas for now:
- angel investors (maybe you?)
- agency or broadcast sponsorship (arts organization, public radio, others)
- independent funding (kickstarter)
- independent funding (credit cards)
Friday, December 23
our treatment (schoolife #3)
Schoolife
Schools
often fail our students and families. There
are too many communities without strong, stable public schools, and there are
too many classrooms that do not challenge, engage, and support our children and
young adults. We agree that outstanding
teachers help prepare students to learn and grow. We agree that prepared students learn core
ideas and skills that lead to consistent achievement. And we agree that excellent schools help
promote innovative instruction and advanced student learning.
However, education reform is significantly more complicated and complex. There is a wide range of variables that
impact student readiness, teacher instruction, and school culture. Different ideas and different pathways
attract and engage students in different ways. Yes, what happens in the
classroom matters. A lot. But what happens outside the classroom can
sometimes matter even more.
Schoolife documents the intersecting lives of teachers, students, and families
inside and outside of school. We will
profile 1-2 6th-8th grade teachers and 3-5 6th-8th
grade students over one school year. The
series will present the full life of students and teachers, including documentary
footage, personal interviews, and background research. We will produce the show in 30-minute long
weekly episodes that show natural curves in our subjects’ lives.
Schoolife will track the
influence of personal, professional, and social relationships on our subjects. Each episode will advance developing storylines, including romantic interests, family dynamics, and classroom learning. Families, students,
and teachers live in very different ways. How do our personal experiences and
relationships influence our public lives in school? And how do our schools influence how we live
and learn outside of class?
Schoolife broadens and deepens our conversation on education reform, student
learning, and school achievement. We
will show failure and success; hope and struggle; engagement and
distraction. Our goal is not to identify
best practice or scalable reform. Our
goal is not to demonize or lionize any specific individual or idea. Our only goal is to show a more full, more
detailed, and more complex reality. To
show a more complete picture of student lives, student learning, and teacher
instruction. To show that our schools,
like our lives, are full of challenge, conflict, and meaning.
Thursday, December 22
the idea, so far (schoolife #2)
it's been fairly easy, so far, to work through our ideas.
my first idea was to make a documentary film to speak back to "waiting for superman". the movie was powerful! but i don't think it told enough of the story. it's not that the facts are wrong. . . it's just that there weren't enough facts.
when i thought about it, though, it seemed like i wouldn't be able to tell the full story of one school year in one documentary. it would require too much simplification. we'd be forced to shape a specific storyline. . . so i thought it might be more powerful if we filmed weekly episodes. i talked with one of my friends, and he explained that the cost to film weekly episodes of whole lives would be astronomical. it would be too much. "the idea was great," he said, "but it might not be possible."
so i explained the idea to min. he said, "you know what? that's perfect! you could do it for radio." ("i don't know if you know," he said, "but that's what i did. i was in music. i went to school for it.")
i know! nobody listens to radio, anymore. i told my students, and i think they thought it sounded like the most boring idea ever. but when i thought about it, it just made sense. it feels like a perfect match. i remembered listening to ghetto life 101 by david isay. it would be perfect! plus, it would be much easier to produce, to get started at all, and a bunch easier to get permissions.
for now, we're thinking through how to do episodes over the year. there are forty weeks in a school year and 180 days. there's a bunch of different options:
1) we do the full monty!
2) we echo morgan spurlock: 30 days
3) we echo ghetto life 101: 10 days
4) we follow a full unit: 6-10 weeks
the key thing is: how much time do we need to record in order to get across the idea? what time frame is able to show enough character complexity and also be realistically possible to record and produce? if you're here, what do you think?
my first idea was to make a documentary film to speak back to "waiting for superman". the movie was powerful! but i don't think it told enough of the story. it's not that the facts are wrong. . . it's just that there weren't enough facts.
when i thought about it, though, it seemed like i wouldn't be able to tell the full story of one school year in one documentary. it would require too much simplification. we'd be forced to shape a specific storyline. . . so i thought it might be more powerful if we filmed weekly episodes. i talked with one of my friends, and he explained that the cost to film weekly episodes of whole lives would be astronomical. it would be too much. "the idea was great," he said, "but it might not be possible."
so i explained the idea to min. he said, "you know what? that's perfect! you could do it for radio." ("i don't know if you know," he said, "but that's what i did. i was in music. i went to school for it.")
i know! nobody listens to radio, anymore. i told my students, and i think they thought it sounded like the most boring idea ever. but when i thought about it, it just made sense. it feels like a perfect match. i remembered listening to ghetto life 101 by david isay. it would be perfect! plus, it would be much easier to produce, to get started at all, and a bunch easier to get permissions.
for now, we're thinking through how to do episodes over the year. there are forty weeks in a school year and 180 days. there's a bunch of different options:
1) we do the full monty!
2) we echo morgan spurlock: 30 days
3) we echo ghetto life 101: 10 days
4) we follow a full unit: 6-10 weeks
the key thing is: how much time do we need to record in order to get across the idea? what time frame is able to show enough character complexity and also be realistically possible to record and produce? if you're here, what do you think?
schoolife (#1)
i'm starting to work on a radio documentary with minkyu kim. our idea is to document the real lives of teachers and students. too often, we speak about education in ways that don't reflect real people: real teachers, real students, and real families. too often, we have policy discussions that disembody our real beliefs, concerns, and hopes.
i don't know how the process is going to go exactly, but i'm going to try and chronicle our process on the blog. i know that i'd enjoy following the process from the ground up, so we'll see how it goes! (who knows? maybe i can use it in my teaching, too?)
our basic idea is to follow 1-2 middle school teacher and 3-5 middle school students for a full school year. we'll have lavalier mics on the students and teachers, and we'll have a field recorder to pick up sound inside the classrooms.
our goal is to show more full context. it won't be possible to show entire days, but we want to avoid cutting up moments and lives too far. we want to find full, larger moments that can tell a story more like a novel. that develop characters in longer moments over time.
i don't know how the process is going to go exactly, but i'm going to try and chronicle our process on the blog. i know that i'd enjoy following the process from the ground up, so we'll see how it goes! (who knows? maybe i can use it in my teaching, too?)
our basic idea is to follow 1-2 middle school teacher and 3-5 middle school students for a full school year. we'll have lavalier mics on the students and teachers, and we'll have a field recorder to pick up sound inside the classrooms.
our goal is to show more full context. it won't be possible to show entire days, but we want to avoid cutting up moments and lives too far. we want to find full, larger moments that can tell a story more like a novel. that develop characters in longer moments over time.
Monday, May 31
workshop method: top ten books
1) in the middle, nancie atwell
2) teaching reading in middle school, laura robb
3) wondrous words, katie wood ray
4) how's it going (strategic conferencing), carl anderson
5) the reading zone, nancie atwell
6) strategies the work, stephanie harvey
7) thinking through genre, heather lattimer
8) you gotta be the book! (or strategic reading), jeffrey wilhelm
9) the power of grammar, mary ehrenworth
10) minilessons for literature circles, harvey daniels
2) teaching reading in middle school, laura robb
3) wondrous words, katie wood ray
4) how's it going (strategic conferencing), carl anderson
5) the reading zone, nancie atwell
6) strategies the work, stephanie harvey
7) thinking through genre, heather lattimer
8) you gotta be the book! (or strategic reading), jeffrey wilhelm
9) the power of grammar, mary ehrenworth
10) minilessons for literature circles, harvey daniels
Wednesday, May 19
workshop method: top ten tips
last year, the new york times reported on a growing movement towards the reading and writing workshop. i thought it was funny at first because we have been teaching workshop for a while now, and so many teachers have started to rebel against workshop because it's now the dominant standard here.
i think the challenge now is that while so many people may have opinions about the workshop method in general, far fewer teachers understand and practice the core principles. i've been working with student teachers the last five years, and these are the top 10 tips and suggestions i give to them.
1) independent reading with a class library.
if you can only choose one thing to start your workshop, so many people agree that you should start with independent reading. traditional instruction focuses on content or new critical readings. however, we know that traditional instruction has failed so many students.
independent reading is based on the belief that students will be more engaged in reading and writing about reading if they are able to choose the books and topics they read and write about. our larger goal is to create lifelong readers who care deeply about the books they read and think about.
this is the single most transformative step for workshop teachers. new instruction focuses on reading skills and strategies, in contrast to specific content or specific readings.
2) architecture of a minilesson.
there are many different ideas and structures that teachers use to develop units and projects and activities. however, if teachers can master the basic workshop minilesson, they can consistently deliver new skills and strategies through effective instruction. this minilesson structure is largely developed and perfected by lucy calkins and the reading and writing project at teachers college.
3) workshop structures: models and mentor texts. write with the students: whatever genre they're writing, you should be writing too.
4) workshop structures: reading and writing rubric. the traits of really good readers and writers. readers: stamina, fluency, volume, comprehension, analysis, commitment. writers: ideas, organization, details, fluency, voice, and conventions.
5) workshop structures: conferences. one on one meetings with students. use them to buoy their work, but mostly to figure out what students need individually or what they all need to help make minilessons.
6) workshop structures: small groups. small minilessons in groups of 4 or 5. you can choose who comes or they can choose. this is something that you're noticing in groups of students but not widespread.
7) remember to always only teach things real readers and real writers really do. don't make up stuff because teachers have to teach. don't use jargon and don't use reading or writing skills or strategies that real people don't use.
8) minilessons work on three levels: big ideas, general skills, and specific strategies. the beginning of the unit should focus on larger ideas. as the unit moves on, narrow your teaching points to general skills and onto specific strategies.
writing:
a) big idea: we write poetry from our heart.
b) general skill: we write poems towards specific ideas.
c) specific strategy: we choose words that help emphasize or highlight the specific ideas.
reading:
a) big idea: readers use strategies to help understand our reading. connect, infer, question, visualize, predict, analyze, retell.
b) general skill: readers predict to help follow the story sequence.
c) specific strategy:readers make effective predictions by using specific information they already know: from the genre, from other stories, from this story
9) try out independent writing
10) portfolio assessment
11) plus: read professional books to update your practice!
i think the challenge now is that while so many people may have opinions about the workshop method in general, far fewer teachers understand and practice the core principles. i've been working with student teachers the last five years, and these are the top 10 tips and suggestions i give to them.
1) independent reading with a class library.
if you can only choose one thing to start your workshop, so many people agree that you should start with independent reading. traditional instruction focuses on content or new critical readings. however, we know that traditional instruction has failed so many students.
independent reading is based on the belief that students will be more engaged in reading and writing about reading if they are able to choose the books and topics they read and write about. our larger goal is to create lifelong readers who care deeply about the books they read and think about.
this is the single most transformative step for workshop teachers. new instruction focuses on reading skills and strategies, in contrast to specific content or specific readings.
2) architecture of a minilesson.
there are many different ideas and structures that teachers use to develop units and projects and activities. however, if teachers can master the basic workshop minilesson, they can consistently deliver new skills and strategies through effective instruction. this minilesson structure is largely developed and perfected by lucy calkins and the reading and writing project at teachers college.
- connection
- teaching point
- link
- guided practice (active engagement)
- independent practice
3) workshop structures: models and mentor texts. write with the students: whatever genre they're writing, you should be writing too.
4) workshop structures: reading and writing rubric. the traits of really good readers and writers. readers: stamina, fluency, volume, comprehension, analysis, commitment. writers: ideas, organization, details, fluency, voice, and conventions.
5) workshop structures: conferences. one on one meetings with students. use them to buoy their work, but mostly to figure out what students need individually or what they all need to help make minilessons.
6) workshop structures: small groups. small minilessons in groups of 4 or 5. you can choose who comes or they can choose. this is something that you're noticing in groups of students but not widespread.
7) remember to always only teach things real readers and real writers really do. don't make up stuff because teachers have to teach. don't use jargon and don't use reading or writing skills or strategies that real people don't use.
8) minilessons work on three levels: big ideas, general skills, and specific strategies. the beginning of the unit should focus on larger ideas. as the unit moves on, narrow your teaching points to general skills and onto specific strategies.
writing:
a) big idea: we write poetry from our heart.
b) general skill: we write poems towards specific ideas.
c) specific strategy: we choose words that help emphasize or highlight the specific ideas.
reading:
a) big idea: readers use strategies to help understand our reading. connect, infer, question, visualize, predict, analyze, retell.
b) general skill: readers predict to help follow the story sequence.
c) specific strategy:readers make effective predictions by using specific information they already know: from the genre, from other stories, from this story
9) try out independent writing
10) portfolio assessment
11) plus: read professional books to update your practice!
Thursday, November 26
for sure.
aviyah is 3 1/2 years old now. yalei is almost 1 1/2 years old. they are still so tiny, but they feel like they're so much bigger to me. sometimes i think about how crazy this whole thing is. i am at a restaurant or at a park or on the sidewalk and i see the crazy things we do from the outside. i see parents making a really really really big deal out of really small things. and i think, what are we really doing?
i'm always afraid that i'm doing something i don't really want to do. i'm always trying to think: is this something i was taught? is this what i really want to say? is this how i really want to say it?
recently, samantha started to ask if i wanted to have a third child. i feel like yes, the answer is yes, but i feel like it's also more complicated than that. it is really really beautiful sometimes, but it's also really really hard. sometimes, i also feel like just lying down on the bed is a really really beautiful thing, too.
no, i mean for real. i mean, big picture and small picture, sometimes, being able to do exactly what you want to do in exactly that moment is so important. i mean that. i know that there is balance, but i sometimes i really also miss being able to live just my own life.
before we had aviyah, we talked about teaching overseas. we were going to apply to be in the peace corps in china. i still feel sad that we weren't able to do that. i feel like there are things that can totally change your life. you are one person, and then you are another. what happens when you do them? what happens when you don't do them?
at the end of the day, i just really want to process and i really want to understand why i really do want to have more children. i feel like people can get caught up in so many races. i just want to know for sure.
i'm always afraid that i'm doing something i don't really want to do. i'm always trying to think: is this something i was taught? is this what i really want to say? is this how i really want to say it?
recently, samantha started to ask if i wanted to have a third child. i feel like yes, the answer is yes, but i feel like it's also more complicated than that. it is really really beautiful sometimes, but it's also really really hard. sometimes, i also feel like just lying down on the bed is a really really beautiful thing, too.
no, i mean for real. i mean, big picture and small picture, sometimes, being able to do exactly what you want to do in exactly that moment is so important. i mean that. i know that there is balance, but i sometimes i really also miss being able to live just my own life.
before we had aviyah, we talked about teaching overseas. we were going to apply to be in the peace corps in china. i still feel sad that we weren't able to do that. i feel like there are things that can totally change your life. you are one person, and then you are another. what happens when you do them? what happens when you don't do them?
at the end of the day, i just really want to process and i really want to understand why i really do want to have more children. i feel like people can get caught up in so many races. i just want to know for sure.
Monday, August 24
learning hebrew 4 (top ten grammar tips)
people have wildly different views of how hard hebrew is to learn. people who feel hebrew is easy to learn explain that the root system, or basic verb structure, largely organizes grammar and conjugation. however, the language grammar is also very different than romantic or latin languages, so it can be quite difficult to understand what the rules and systems are and exactly how they operate.
for me, it took a little bit of hard work to get started into the language, but once i started to understand some or the really core concepts, i feel like the work started to get easier for me. the things i've listed below are some understandings that i've picked up from speaking and reading and listening over time. i imagine that the ideas aren't totally pure, but i hope they can be helpful if you're trying to find your way. each idea is something that i didn't know at first and then learned to internalize with practice.
(where possible, i've tried to give a brief explanation of what i mean, as well as a link to a useful website to explain further. some explanations are still in draft, and please forgive any spelling errors below. i will fix as soon as i see them and realize (or learn) my mistakes.)
1) gender
in hebrew, all nouns and adjectives are masculine or feminine.
when you describe nouns, you have to conjugate the adjective to match the gender of the noun. it's exactly like you would do in spanish. . . that is, it's backwards from english. generally, a word that ends with a "ה" or with a "ת" will be feminine. all other word endings will generally be masculine. (of course, there are always irregulars.)
2) verb conjugation
you conjugate each verb according to case, tense, and binyan.
we do conjugate our verbs in a rather regular fashion in english, but our verbs also vary according to language of origin. (we've received a mishmash of rules from a mishmash of languages.) in hebrew, you conjugate each verb according to the subject and tense, the same as in english. however, you also learn to understand different rules for different g'zarot, types or forms of the verbs. if each binyan is a building, then the g'zarot are like little rooms of verbs within the buildings.
3) verb system
there are 7 verb "buildings", or binyanim.
each verb (most often) has a 3 letter root, or שורש. you can often apply a different filter to the base root in order to cause different verbs. as you get to understand the binyanim, you start to understand how to adjust verbs for actions someone is performing, actions you are performing to somebody or something else, and actions you perform to yourself. for example:
he is wearing a shirt.
he dresses her in a shirt.
he dresses himself in a shirt.
4) "et" and "ה"
a special hebrew word identifies proper or specific nouns.
there is no direct corrolary to the hebrew word "et" in english. you simply have to learn to add it in every time the direct object is a proper or specific noun.
for example:
i do not want the orange stroller.
i do not want "et" the orange stroller.
when you have a specific noun to identify, you also place a "ה" before the noun and adjective in order to signify they are joined. (a sentence without the second "ה" will mean something different.)
5) smichut
two nouns join together to form a connected phrase.
in hebrew, when you match two nouns together, you move the "ה" from before the specific noun to between the two nouns. you also change the ending of the first noun and make the second noun (only) plural (when necessary).
feminine smichut:
swimming pool
pool swimming
masculine smichut:
air temperament (weather)
temperament air
masculine plural smichut:
sun glasses
glasses sun
6) prepositions
individual verbs use specific prepositions.
the specific preposition don't really make sense, although it helps to learn which means what. there can be some intuition when verbs acts towards on upon somebody. however, these can really only be learned by reading or hearing in context and then memorizing. (they are also listed in 501 Hebrew Verbs.)
7) prepositions decline
the prepositions conjugate according to pronoun case.
when you form sentences, it's important to understand an important hebrew convention: you conjugate prepositions. in english, you would simply add the preposition as an independent word in a sentence. however, when prepositions connect to pronouns, you conjugate the preposition to fit the pronoun case. that is, you or he or she or us or so on. a partial list of included prepositions: of, with, towards, in, from, with, for, on, between, before, after, behind, in front, as, and without.
(i have a great document here, but i can't find the original website, and i don't yet know how to link the document to the blog.)
8) imperative
use the future tense to order someone around.
israelis use the future tense as the colloquial imperative. that is, "do this!" there is an actual imperative that is used more in songs, films, and literature. soem words are still used in the imperative, like sit or go, but most are just used in the future tense. (the convention is to add the word בבקשה , or please, when using the future tense.)
9a) making nouns.
you can generally make exact nouns from the verb's root.
9b) making adjectives.
you can generally make adjectives from verb conjugation.
9c) making adverbs.
you can sometimes make adverbs from connected adjectives.
10) double negatives.
you say no and the negative verb together.
in formal english, a double negative cancels out the negative and makes a positive idea. however, hebrew requires the use of "no" as well as the negative direct object. it's more like american black english, where you could say something like, "i ain't saying nothing."
some extra tips just for free:
(although, strictly speaking, they're all for free, i guess.)
A) pronominal suffixes
you can add declined endings to nouns in order to show possession.
in prayerbook hebrew, you often find changed endings to the same base noun. it is possible to add the possessive noun to the end of the base noun. for example, your bagel becomes something like "bagelyr". this is largely uses only in high hebrew (prayerbooks and literature); however, there are some places where pronominal suffixes are more conventional, including body parts.
(my best suggestion is to wait for a while before you try to learn and add in these endings. they're a bit tricky and using regular possessive pronouns is also completely normal and completely fine.)
B) "ש".
that means that, but it also splits time and tense.
"ש" is used (more often than in hebrew) to split sentences with the word "that". you will start to get a sense over time of when israelis interject the word, but it is often used to split the sentence by verb tense or sentence subject.
C) sentence structure
noun + verb? verb + noun?
in hebrew, not all sentences run noun verb, noun verb. some sentences flip the noun and verb (and even the direct object) in order to emphasize the actor or the action and some sentences are simply conventional to flip:
D) impersonal sentences.
you're really talking about everybody.
impersonal sentences in english use a singular verb. however, impersonal sentences in hebrew use the masculine plural conjugation and drop any preceding pronoun. it implies something like that everybody is doing something always.
E) Cardinal and ordinate numbers.
there are four different sets of numbers: masculine and feminine numbers to count and assign.
when you simply count numbers, you use the feminine set of cardinal numbers to count. however, when you count specific things, you use the specific gender to number those things. for example:
F) The Subjunctive.
i would like to . . .
in english, we often use the subjunctive tense in order express a want or wish more politely. for example, when we order food, we might say, "i would like to order. . . ". you make the subjunctive tense in hebrew by adding the correct conjugated past tense form of to be or להיות.
for me, it took a little bit of hard work to get started into the language, but once i started to understand some or the really core concepts, i feel like the work started to get easier for me. the things i've listed below are some understandings that i've picked up from speaking and reading and listening over time. i imagine that the ideas aren't totally pure, but i hope they can be helpful if you're trying to find your way. each idea is something that i didn't know at first and then learned to internalize with practice.
(where possible, i've tried to give a brief explanation of what i mean, as well as a link to a useful website to explain further. some explanations are still in draft, and please forgive any spelling errors below. i will fix as soon as i see them and realize (or learn) my mistakes.)
1) gender
in hebrew, all nouns and adjectives are masculine or feminine.
when you describe nouns, you have to conjugate the adjective to match the gender of the noun. it's exactly like you would do in spanish. . . that is, it's backwards from english. generally, a word that ends with a "ה" or with a "ת" will be feminine. all other word endings will generally be masculine. (of course, there are always irregulars.)
- red car
- car red = מכונית אדומה
- black sock
- sock black = גרב שחור
2) verb conjugation
you conjugate each verb according to case, tense, and binyan.
we do conjugate our verbs in a rather regular fashion in english, but our verbs also vary according to language of origin. (we've received a mishmash of rules from a mishmash of languages.) in hebrew, you conjugate each verb according to the subject and tense, the same as in english. however, you also learn to understand different rules for different g'zarot, types or forms of the verbs. if each binyan is a building, then the g'zarot are like little rooms of verbs within the buildings.
3) verb system
there are 7 verb "buildings", or binyanim.
each verb (most often) has a 3 letter root, or שורש. you can often apply a different filter to the base root in order to cause different verbs. as you get to understand the binyanim, you start to understand how to adjust verbs for actions someone is performing, actions you are performing to somebody or something else, and actions you perform to yourself. for example:
he is wearing a shirt.
he dresses her in a shirt.
he dresses himself in a shirt.
- הוא לובש חולצה.
- הוא מלביש אותה בחולצה.
- הוא מתלבש את החולצה.
4) "et" and "ה"
a special hebrew word identifies proper or specific nouns.
there is no direct corrolary to the hebrew word "et" in english. you simply have to learn to add it in every time the direct object is a proper or specific noun.
for example:
i do not want the orange stroller.
i do not want "et" the orange stroller.
- אני לא רוצה את העגלה הכתומה.
- ani lo rotze et ha-agalah ha-k'tuma.
when you have a specific noun to identify, you also place a "ה" before the noun and adjective in order to signify they are joined. (a sentence without the second "ה" will mean something different.)
5) smichut
two nouns join together to form a connected phrase.
in hebrew, when you match two nouns together, you move the "ה" from before the specific noun to between the two nouns. you also change the ending of the first noun and make the second noun (only) plural (when necessary).
feminine smichut:
swimming pool
pool swimming
- בריכה + שחייה
- בריכת שחייה
masculine smichut:
air temperament (weather)
temperament air
- מזג אוויר
masculine plural smichut:
sun glasses
glasses sun
- משקפיים + שמש
- משקפיי שמש
6) prepositions
individual verbs use specific prepositions.
the specific preposition don't really make sense, although it helps to learn which means what. there can be some intuition when verbs acts towards on upon somebody. however, these can really only be learned by reading or hearing in context and then memorizing. (they are also listed in 501 Hebrew Verbs.)
- לראות את
- להשתמש ב
- לענות ל
7) prepositions decline
the prepositions conjugate according to pronoun case.
when you form sentences, it's important to understand an important hebrew convention: you conjugate prepositions. in english, you would simply add the preposition as an independent word in a sentence. however, when prepositions connect to pronouns, you conjugate the preposition to fit the pronoun case. that is, you or he or she or us or so on. a partial list of included prepositions: of, with, towards, in, from, with, for, on, between, before, after, behind, in front, as, and without.
- i am going with | you.
- i am going "wiyu".
- אני הולך עיתך.
(i have a great document here, but i can't find the original website, and i don't yet know how to link the document to the blog.)
8) imperative
use the future tense to order someone around.
israelis use the future tense as the colloquial imperative. that is, "do this!" there is an actual imperative that is used more in songs, films, and literature. soem words are still used in the imperative, like sit or go, but most are just used in the future tense. (the convention is to add the word בבקשה , or please, when using the future tense.)
- ask!
- תשאל
- תשאלי
- eat!
- תאוכל
- תאוכלי
9a) making nouns.
you can generally make exact nouns from the verb's root.
- שמר
- שמירה
- דיבר
- דיבור
- התרגש
- התרגשות
9b) making adjectives.
you can generally make adjectives from verb conjugation.
9c) making adverbs.
you can sometimes make adverbs from connected adjectives.
10) double negatives.
you say no and the negative verb together.
in formal english, a double negative cancels out the negative and makes a positive idea. however, hebrew requires the use of "no" as well as the negative direct object. it's more like american black english, where you could say something like, "i ain't saying nothing."
- I didn't do nothing.
- אני לא עסיתי שום דבר.
some extra tips just for free:
(although, strictly speaking, they're all for free, i guess.)
A) pronominal suffixes
you can add declined endings to nouns in order to show possession.
in prayerbook hebrew, you often find changed endings to the same base noun. it is possible to add the possessive noun to the end of the base noun. for example, your bagel becomes something like "bagelyr". this is largely uses only in high hebrew (prayerbooks and literature); however, there are some places where pronominal suffixes are more conventional, including body parts.
(my best suggestion is to wait for a while before you try to learn and add in these endings. they're a bit tricky and using regular possessive pronouns is also completely normal and completely fine.)
B) "ש".
that means that, but it also splits time and tense.
"ש" is used (more often than in hebrew) to split sentences with the word "that". you will start to get a sense over time of when israelis interject the word, but it is often used to split the sentence by verb tense or sentence subject.
- xxxx
- xxxx
- xxxx
- xxxx
C) sentence structure
noun + verb? verb + noun?
in hebrew, not all sentences run noun verb, noun verb. some sentences flip the noun and verb (and even the direct object) in order to emphasize the actor or the action and some sentences are simply conventional to flip:
- it is raining.
- falling (is) rain.
- יורד גשם.
D) impersonal sentences.
you're really talking about everybody.
impersonal sentences in english use a singular verb. however, impersonal sentences in hebrew use the masculine plural conjugation and drop any preceding pronoun. it implies something like that everybody is doing something always.
- one uses a fork to pick up food.
- משתמשים במזלג לתקוע אוכל
E) Cardinal and ordinate numbers.
there are four different sets of numbers: masculine and feminine numbers to count and assign.
when you simply count numbers, you use the feminine set of cardinal numbers to count. however, when you count specific things, you use the specific gender to number those things. for example:
- six pencils
- שיש אפרונות
- six monkeys
- שישה קופים
- sixth place
- XXX
- 8th avenue
- שדרה שמינית
F) The Subjunctive.
i would like to . . .
in english, we often use the subjunctive tense in order express a want or wish more politely. for example, when we order food, we might say, "i would like to order. . . ". you make the subjunctive tense in hebrew by adding the correct conjugated past tense form of to be or להיות.
- i would like
- הייתי רוצה
- we would like
- היינו רוצים
Sunday, August 23
learning hebrew 2 (program ladder)
in a previous post, i listed a full collection of hebrew resources i have used. i've tried to update them over time, but i realize that it's just a huge collection of all kinds of different things. below, i tried to organize the list a bit to help identify what can be helpful at which stage. i progressed through all of these programs, so i'm reflecting on my experience and also my best judgment about what can most help you where.
my hebrew is still in progress, but i feel like i've been able to learn a good deal so far. i started really learning when aviyah was about 8 months old, January 2007. as of august 2009, i have almost 900 verbs, 500 adjectives, and a whole mess of other nouns and adverbs. i have a good accent for an american, although israelis often think that i sound french. (now that i think about it, strangers who ask me what language i'm speaking also guess that i'm speaking french.)
i really encourage you to try it out. you really can do it! i was bar mitzvah, so i did have a working knowledge of the hebrew alphabet and i was able to read hebrew from a prayerbook. however, i really knew nothing at all about how to speak or understand any hebrew at all. i always tell the story that on my first adult trip to israel my friend tried to teach me an israeli slang word for cool: סבבה. (which is actually arabic, actually.) and i went around the whole trip screaming: סבה. (which is actually grandfather, actually.) :)
so below, i've listed several major programs and resources listed by level in order to help you plan out a learning program. i hope this helps!
A or א)
Ulpan א
Textbook: עברית שלב א
BYKI Deluxe
Learn HebrewPod (iTunes Podcast)
in Flight Hebrew
topDictionaries (iPhone dictionary)
iFlipr (iPhone flashcard program)
B or ב)
Ulpan ב
Textbook: עברית שלב ב
Rosetta Stone I
Pimsleur I
Bereshit (Easy Hebrew Newspaper)
C or ג)
Ulpan ג
Textbook: עברית שלב ג
Rosetta Stone II
Pimsleur II
Hebrew Podcast (iTunes Podcast)
vocabulearn I
Children's Books
Yanshuf (Easy Hebrew Newspaper)
D or ד)
Ulpan: Advanced Sicha
Textbook: שׁReader - Modern Hebrew Prose and Poetry
Rosetta Stone III
Pimsleur III (Janauary 2010)
Heivenu Shalom
vocabulearn II
Children's Shows (Dora)
Israeli Music
E or ה)
Disney Movies
Disney Books
Young Adult Literature
Sha'ar L'Matchil (Advanced Learning Hebrew Newspaper)
my hebrew is still in progress, but i feel like i've been able to learn a good deal so far. i started really learning when aviyah was about 8 months old, January 2007. as of august 2009, i have almost 900 verbs, 500 adjectives, and a whole mess of other nouns and adverbs. i have a good accent for an american, although israelis often think that i sound french. (now that i think about it, strangers who ask me what language i'm speaking also guess that i'm speaking french.)
i really encourage you to try it out. you really can do it! i was bar mitzvah, so i did have a working knowledge of the hebrew alphabet and i was able to read hebrew from a prayerbook. however, i really knew nothing at all about how to speak or understand any hebrew at all. i always tell the story that on my first adult trip to israel my friend tried to teach me an israeli slang word for cool: סבבה. (which is actually arabic, actually.) and i went around the whole trip screaming: סבה. (which is actually grandfather, actually.) :)
so below, i've listed several major programs and resources listed by level in order to help you plan out a learning program. i hope this helps!
A or א)
Ulpan א
Textbook: עברית שלב א
BYKI Deluxe
Learn HebrewPod (iTunes Podcast)
in Flight Hebrew
topDictionaries (iPhone dictionary)
iFlipr (iPhone flashcard program)
B or ב)
Ulpan ב
Textbook: עברית שלב ב
Rosetta Stone I
Pimsleur I
Bereshit (Easy Hebrew Newspaper)
C or ג)
Ulpan ג
Textbook: עברית שלב ג
Rosetta Stone II
Pimsleur II
Hebrew Podcast (iTunes Podcast)
vocabulearn I
Children's Books
Yanshuf (Easy Hebrew Newspaper)
D or ד)
Ulpan: Advanced Sicha
Textbook: שׁReader - Modern Hebrew Prose and Poetry
Rosetta Stone III
Pimsleur III (Janauary 2010)
Heivenu Shalom
vocabulearn II
Children's Shows (Dora)
Israeli Music
E or ה)
Disney Movies
Disney Books
Young Adult Literature
Sha'ar L'Matchil (Advanced Learning Hebrew Newspaper)
Friday, August 7
learning hebrew 3 (learning principles)
at camp this summer, i taught an elective session on learning hebrew. my hebrew is only so so in the bigger picture, and i still make a lot of mistakes. there are things in grammar and conjugation that are really hard to figure out without social context. still, for my situation, i feel like i've been pretty successful trying to learn and apply hebrew in a short amount of time. i try to be honest about my difficulties, and i also try to be honest about the fact that i'm not really really good, yet. i'm still working. . .
i listed the different kinds of resources that i've used to learn hebrew in a separate post. it's so nice now because there are so many different kinds of resources out there. there are professional, research based programs and textbooks, and there are also free and cheap computer-based or ipod-friendly learning programs.
there are so many ways to go, but i've really come to believe that there are core principles to learning the language that are even more important than what resources you use.
1) commit to learn.
this sounds so simple, but it's so important. it's true that i used rosetta stone to learn, or pimsleur or others. still, the programs can't actually make you learn the language. i know that sounds silly, but if you don't work the programs, they really can't work for you. whatever program or book you use to learn hebrew, you have to be really deeply committed to learning every single day. you'll really have to put in the work. i recommend setting aside 30-60 minutes every day to study for at least the first year. to study and practice learning and review learning and to learn new things. i know it sounds like a lot, but i think it's really important.
that's a really big commitment, right. but at the same time, it's really not that easy to learn and internalize a language. it isn't just memorizing words. it's about giving yourself the practice and repetition to really internalize the structure of the language. i always say that if there were a monkey who studied hebrew as much as i do, i'm pretty confident that the monkey would speak hebrew better than i do.
2) learn in context
any program will give you an organized set of vocabulary words that are largely tested and pretty important. at the same time, you should focus on learning words that you want to learn and that you can really commit to using or trying to use in context. i always carried a little scrap of paper with me so i could record a word that i wanted to know. then, i would look the word up when i got back home so i could learn it. if i could use a word in context, i knew that i had so much better of a chance to really own the word. (now, i have a dictionary in my iphone, so i can look up the word in the moment and then email it to myself. it's really helpful!)
3) learn with others.
you really can't learn hebrew in isolation. it's really important to provide context for your learning. can you find a buddy to commit to learning with you? for me, aviyah (and the idea of aviyah) was so important to learning the language because it gave me consistent repetition and real context and purpose. but it doesn't have to be your daughter. is there someone you can write letters or emails to? is there someone you can ask questions to make sure you're understanding something right?is there someone who you can actually talk to (or try to talk to) in hebrew?
4) learn different ways.
they can all work. some people say that this way or that way is better for learning. that may be true in some ways, but they all have their advantages. try to use all different methods to give yourself the best chance at retaining all kinds of stuff. if you recognize the strengths or weaknesses to each method, you can work to use the best practice of each.
for example, flashcards can't help you put words in context, but they can help you process a whole mess of words that you can try to put in context later. or, when you see a flashcard, you can try to place that word in the context of an imaginary conversation with someone else.
5) keep learning.
if you are able to commit to really learning, you will pick up enough language to be functional. however, you'll need to keep going. keep using your old skills as you keep trying new and more challenging ways to move yourself forward. you'll graduate from some early programs and techniques, and you'll need to find more advanced programs and techniques to keep learning! there's so many!
good luck!
בחצלחה!
i listed the different kinds of resources that i've used to learn hebrew in a separate post. it's so nice now because there are so many different kinds of resources out there. there are professional, research based programs and textbooks, and there are also free and cheap computer-based or ipod-friendly learning programs.
there are so many ways to go, but i've really come to believe that there are core principles to learning the language that are even more important than what resources you use.
1) commit to learn.
this sounds so simple, but it's so important. it's true that i used rosetta stone to learn, or pimsleur or others. still, the programs can't actually make you learn the language. i know that sounds silly, but if you don't work the programs, they really can't work for you. whatever program or book you use to learn hebrew, you have to be really deeply committed to learning every single day. you'll really have to put in the work. i recommend setting aside 30-60 minutes every day to study for at least the first year. to study and practice learning and review learning and to learn new things. i know it sounds like a lot, but i think it's really important.
that's a really big commitment, right. but at the same time, it's really not that easy to learn and internalize a language. it isn't just memorizing words. it's about giving yourself the practice and repetition to really internalize the structure of the language. i always say that if there were a monkey who studied hebrew as much as i do, i'm pretty confident that the monkey would speak hebrew better than i do.
2) learn in context
any program will give you an organized set of vocabulary words that are largely tested and pretty important. at the same time, you should focus on learning words that you want to learn and that you can really commit to using or trying to use in context. i always carried a little scrap of paper with me so i could record a word that i wanted to know. then, i would look the word up when i got back home so i could learn it. if i could use a word in context, i knew that i had so much better of a chance to really own the word. (now, i have a dictionary in my iphone, so i can look up the word in the moment and then email it to myself. it's really helpful!)
3) learn with others.
you really can't learn hebrew in isolation. it's really important to provide context for your learning. can you find a buddy to commit to learning with you? for me, aviyah (and the idea of aviyah) was so important to learning the language because it gave me consistent repetition and real context and purpose. but it doesn't have to be your daughter. is there someone you can write letters or emails to? is there someone you can ask questions to make sure you're understanding something right?is there someone who you can actually talk to (or try to talk to) in hebrew?
4) learn different ways.
they can all work. some people say that this way or that way is better for learning. that may be true in some ways, but they all have their advantages. try to use all different methods to give yourself the best chance at retaining all kinds of stuff. if you recognize the strengths or weaknesses to each method, you can work to use the best practice of each.
for example, flashcards can't help you put words in context, but they can help you process a whole mess of words that you can try to put in context later. or, when you see a flashcard, you can try to place that word in the context of an imaginary conversation with someone else.
5) keep learning.
if you are able to commit to really learning, you will pick up enough language to be functional. however, you'll need to keep going. keep using your old skills as you keep trying new and more challenging ways to move yourself forward. you'll graduate from some early programs and techniques, and you'll need to find more advanced programs and techniques to keep learning! there's so many!
good luck!
בחצלחה!
Sunday, May 3
on the wild
i just finished watching the sean penn film, into the wild. the book is loosely based on the jon krakauer profile, first published as a series of articles in outsider magazine and then as a book. the story is so crazy poignant, i think, because the tragedy is that he does not live to learn what he ended up learning. the treagedy isn't that he made his mistake, i think. i think it's that he doesn't ever get to learn what he learned from making the mistake that he made.
by all accounts, mccandless was a good soul. an old wind. he was crazy and off the grid in the way we really should be if we were truly sensible. what is this whole thing anyway? what are we really doing anyway? i mean, don't you ever think that this whole thing really is screwed? i mean, we sit in rows and grids of things. i mean, not in actually rows and grids, but our styles, our interests, our friendships, our lives became made into grids and patterns and systems of emotions. anyway, i feel like his sotry call this whole thing. i mean, life is, in some sense, completely wacked.
krakauer also writes how he made a choice to try to conquer the stupidest hardest craziest obstacle he could. he told the story by way of disclaimer because he understood what mccandless set out to do. and i don't think that my trip out west, on my own, is exactly the same. i certainly did not climb the steepest mountain that had not been climbed. i did not set out to sustain myself apart from all society in the wilderness. i did set out to break from myself and from the world, to live, just live and meet experiences on the street that i didn't know about. i stayed at a friend's place for some time before they became also weary of me. but i do connect with what he wanted to do, with who he was, ith who he wanted to be.
the thing i cry most about when i cry about this story is that chris never was able to come back and see that he was crazy and see that he didn't fully understand how big we are and also how much bigger everything else is. that that bigger realy could just end everything else. that we are here, now, but he is not. that people, sometimes, just don't get that chance. that it just ends.
i know that people who know more about the wildnerness think he's more hurtful to the whole sense of wilderness and so on. but i just think there's real simple tragedy in his life. he was a good man. he was different. he wasn't perfect. but he did his thing and he ws only ever trying to be closer to himself, to his wilderness, to who he really was.
krakauer guesses that mccandless died from starvation from eating a misidentified seed. the poisonous seed accelerated starvation but the tragedy isn't just that he starved to deeath. it's not that he just died. in the end, he did come so much closer to himself, to his understanding of the world, to who he was and who he was not. it's not that he's a hero. and it's not that he's a villian.
the true tragedy, i think, is that he was just a young man that wanted to understand the world, to understand himself, and he lost and he lost and he never got to be whoever it is that he really wanted to be. it'sn ot that he was going to sell out. it's not that he wasn't. it's just that the tragedy is that he was on this path to just try to figure out what the real value of this all is anyway after all? what is the real value of this all after everything anyway?
i still wonder. i still wonder, what is the wild? i wonder, could i have gone further into the wild? i wonder, can i still go?
by all accounts, mccandless was a good soul. an old wind. he was crazy and off the grid in the way we really should be if we were truly sensible. what is this whole thing anyway? what are we really doing anyway? i mean, don't you ever think that this whole thing really is screwed? i mean, we sit in rows and grids of things. i mean, not in actually rows and grids, but our styles, our interests, our friendships, our lives became made into grids and patterns and systems of emotions. anyway, i feel like his sotry call this whole thing. i mean, life is, in some sense, completely wacked.
krakauer also writes how he made a choice to try to conquer the stupidest hardest craziest obstacle he could. he told the story by way of disclaimer because he understood what mccandless set out to do. and i don't think that my trip out west, on my own, is exactly the same. i certainly did not climb the steepest mountain that had not been climbed. i did not set out to sustain myself apart from all society in the wilderness. i did set out to break from myself and from the world, to live, just live and meet experiences on the street that i didn't know about. i stayed at a friend's place for some time before they became also weary of me. but i do connect with what he wanted to do, with who he was, ith who he wanted to be.
the thing i cry most about when i cry about this story is that chris never was able to come back and see that he was crazy and see that he didn't fully understand how big we are and also how much bigger everything else is. that that bigger realy could just end everything else. that we are here, now, but he is not. that people, sometimes, just don't get that chance. that it just ends.
i know that people who know more about the wildnerness think he's more hurtful to the whole sense of wilderness and so on. but i just think there's real simple tragedy in his life. he was a good man. he was different. he wasn't perfect. but he did his thing and he ws only ever trying to be closer to himself, to his wilderness, to who he really was.
krakauer guesses that mccandless died from starvation from eating a misidentified seed. the poisonous seed accelerated starvation but the tragedy isn't just that he starved to deeath. it's not that he just died. in the end, he did come so much closer to himself, to his understanding of the world, to who he was and who he was not. it's not that he's a hero. and it's not that he's a villian.
the true tragedy, i think, is that he was just a young man that wanted to understand the world, to understand himself, and he lost and he lost and he never got to be whoever it is that he really wanted to be. it'sn ot that he was going to sell out. it's not that he wasn't. it's just that the tragedy is that he was on this path to just try to figure out what the real value of this all is anyway after all? what is the real value of this all after everything anyway?
i still wonder. i still wonder, what is the wild? i wonder, could i have gone further into the wild? i wonder, can i still go?
Tuesday, April 28
Sunday, April 26
Thursday, April 2
bat echat!
happy birthday yelei! it's your first birthday! you just started to take your first steps yesterday, and you're already getting so big. i have a really bad memory, sweetheart, but i can remember holding you, very new, in front of our family and friends. we held you and we read to you what i hope for you.
i still hope for you only happiness. i hope for you, of course, so many things, but i hope, most of all, that you are happy. i think about it, now, are you happy? i am not so good sometimes with little little kids. i feel like, even more, maybe i have spent a little bit less time with you, too. i'm sorry. i know more and more i have been trying to make sure i'm explaing to aviyah and explaining to you how important you are and how much i love you.
i know it is not important to you now, but sometimes it is hard with more kids. i used to think that i wanted 9 kids. i wanted to have a baseball team i said because there are so many different personalities on a baseball team and you all could be so different. now, though, i think it's a lot harder than that. what position would you be, though?
you're so much different than aviyah. you are your very own little lady. you are independent and peaceful and you also jack all the other kids of their toys when you see them. you even take toys from aviyah and she's so much bigger, but it's like she doesn't know what to do. i am so happy that you are so independent, and i really hope that you like that. i worry, sometimes, that maybe it's because we aren't able to give you exactly as much time as we gave aviyah when she was little.
i don't want to say that we don't spend a lot of time with you. we do. and i don't want to say that we don't love you with everything and forever. we do! we also are always thinking about how to make sure you are getting enough, to make sure that you are getting your full life, and to be honest, i think sometimes we gave aviyah a little bit too much attention. it's so funny , though, too, maybe you are just different. it's so hard to figure those things out. are you different because you are different? are you different because we are different?
i still hope for you only happiness. i hope for you, of course, so many things, but i hope, most of all, that you are happy. i think about it, now, are you happy? i am not so good sometimes with little little kids. i feel like, even more, maybe i have spent a little bit less time with you, too. i'm sorry. i know more and more i have been trying to make sure i'm explaing to aviyah and explaining to you how important you are and how much i love you.
i know it is not important to you now, but sometimes it is hard with more kids. i used to think that i wanted 9 kids. i wanted to have a baseball team i said because there are so many different personalities on a baseball team and you all could be so different. now, though, i think it's a lot harder than that. what position would you be, though?
you're so much different than aviyah. you are your very own little lady. you are independent and peaceful and you also jack all the other kids of their toys when you see them. you even take toys from aviyah and she's so much bigger, but it's like she doesn't know what to do. i am so happy that you are so independent, and i really hope that you like that. i worry, sometimes, that maybe it's because we aren't able to give you exactly as much time as we gave aviyah when she was little.
i don't want to say that we don't spend a lot of time with you. we do. and i don't want to say that we don't love you with everything and forever. we do! we also are always thinking about how to make sure you are getting enough, to make sure that you are getting your full life, and to be honest, i think sometimes we gave aviyah a little bit too much attention. it's so funny , though, too, maybe you are just different. it's so hard to figure those things out. are you different because you are different? are you different because we are different?
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